Saturday, August 6, 2011

Santa Claus had a Drug Charge?

I carry a notebook around most everywhere I go. It helps me when I get anxious and upset and it is just handy when I am bored. I love notebooks. I have about a cagillion and eight and almost none of them are full, because I get distracted easily.

Anyway as Beau was laying ill in the hospital bed at the ER I wrote down all my random thoughts (hospitals make me nervous, it was necessary.)
You can see the time progression in how ridiculous I got. I am in no way proud of the state of mind I got into. We were there until 3:00 in the morning! Don't judge to harshly.

Thoughts from the ER

-I LOVE the bitchy lady @ vidor burger-king =) She was completely rude and unnecessary, but entertaining none-the less.

-Why do people bring 3+ people with them to the ER. That is just stupid. and Selfish. Some people could actually use those seats their behemoth sized relatives'booties are in.

- Large amounts of (loud) people make me nervous. Think of something else. Gophers! But gophers get in large groups too. Awwwhhhh shytee.

-Public Service Announcement: If you re over the age of 13 you should NOT be in the Kid zone playing with blocks. Thank you, that is all.

- I wonder if there is a way to sterilize some people without their knowledge. How would you go about that? Slip something into their drinks? Like Roofies? The new date-sterilization trend would dramatically improve this world.

- There needs to be a date sterilization drug.

- How can I trick toto into wearing and liking puppy shoes?

-Trashy people are Trashy.

- Mont. Trash-e-zuma needs to be made. A giant island for all the trashy people to be put on. And once there they can be given the date-sterilization drug and live happily ever after. THE END.

-Beau please stop crying =[

- How many names for calling someone an ass can I come up with?

-No. Flirting with the nurse is not cool, Beau. I do not care how much nicer she is to you because of it!

- Scratch that. Flirt all you want. Cute Doctor =]

-Me: "I wonder what I could use in this room in case zombies make a go for it, we are in a hospital, it would be prime location"
(Doped up) Beau MORE BOTTLES OF MORPHINE. So we don't feel it when we get nibbled on!!! OHH OH OH OHH AND the zolphram! For nausea!

-If I hear that freaking machine go off one more time I will go street rat crazy.

-Beau. Get that smug look off your face before I smack it off.

-Wishing you were Charlie Sheen is not appropriate,beau. Not appropriate at all!

-I want a giant chair shaped like a hand.

-Ohhh what I would give for a comfy bed.
*This uncomfortable chair, television,beaus left kidney (you only need one), Oranges, etc etc

-Bitch don't come in here! I ain't your daughter! IDK What room they moved her to! I'll get crunk wit chew gurlll BITCH PLEASE. (obviously one of my shining moments. I lose all decency when sleep deprived. Depending who you are you will find me a ton more interesting//funny//annoying. your choice)

-Diabetes if freakin scary y'all! My whole life I just thought it was just no sugar for you! That shit can make you blind! HOLY C&B

-It is sad to realize your heroes have no clue who in hell you are.

- I want to jump into the blue fountain and see if it will turn me blue. How great would it be to be a smurf for a while! I wonder who i can convince to be my papa smurf. I get to be smurfette! ME! I DO! ME MEMEMEEMEMMEMEME! Smurfs remind me of Donnie Darko. Jake Gyllenhall is hawt lyk omg!!111!! ahh. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.

- I need footie pajamas. And a snuggie. Is that overkill? I want a cape too. And my footie pajamas need a hood! With a face! And a cape!

-Fruit of the loom! I am not super concerned if my future kids undies "look real fly" quit that you dirty fruit group you.
*Apple meet me out back ;)

-Santa had a drug charge! THAT MAKES MY CHILDHOOD SO MUCH BETTER. Thank you beau for that piece of knowledge. what?
It was a cocaine charge? No wonder he lives in the midst of all that white fluffy stuff!

Not exactly a shining star night for me.


S.L. said...

**I wonder if there is a way to sterilize some people without their knowledge. How would you go about that? Slip something into their drinks? Like Roofies? The new date-sterilization trend would dramatically improve this world.**

This. I heart you. And followed you on Twitter because you're like me, except your name starts with an N. And you probably don't live in my house. But that's okay too.

Stephanie said...

I have always thought that birth control should be in the water. That way you would have to buy bottled water to get pregnant. :)

It's similar to ster-oofing them.

Nikki said...

Haha Thank you both!! I still stand firm that some people just dont need or deserve to be parents.

Andd S.L. Have you checked under your bed? I lurk there sometimes...

ok that was creepy....
but seriously..