Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The IV chronicles

Let me tell you something very fundamental about me.

I hate hospitals. With a fire-hot-burning-passion.

So being stuck in a bed in the ER from 9pm to near 2 in the morning wasn't exactly my idea of a phenomenal night.

My right side of my abdomen has been hurting for about a month or two now. The knife really slams in after I have eaten, and it has gotten horrific the last week. It has been so bad I often feel like saying my goodbyes to people here because I know that pain is the feeling of the devil about to drag me down. It is that intense.

Now I am assuming that if you have any medical prowess what so ever you are already on to what is going on in my oh so pain-filled body.

Anyway I am in tears and screaming like an exorcist was being performed on me. I was waiting for my head to spin around right on the spot.

Beau is witnessing this and forces me to go to the ER, calls Momma Bear who meets us there promptly.

There is a girl in the waiting room who is -for a lack of a better term- projectile vomiting. I just knew all this was leading up to the devil popping up in the waiting room, saying all my shenanigans were enough and I'm going with him as he chomps down on my side, it's all there right? Actually I do believe him chomping on my side would have felt better at that point.

Apparently the staff was worried about me because I went to the back almost as soon as I sat down, and as soon as i got back the tests and doctors started.

Now- What I hate more than hospitals is needles; sucks that they tend to go hand in hand.

Imagine my sheer joy when they told me i got to get an IV!
Kidding! it's me. I cried and had an anxiety attack.

They try on the underside of my forearm to get it but to my pleasure i found i have two horrible problems

- Venous Spasm. In layman's terms when a needle comes close to it, my veins get scared and hide. Wonderful. This is even made better when you know:
- My veins are unusually deep in my muscle.

After some fishing around the nurse sighed and i know what is about to come. She cant get it in that location.

So she takes it out. I am on the brink of passing out, I feel it creeping up.

Then she decides that my right elbow is the place to be.

On a side note- I hate turnakits.

She finally gets a light pink IV in my arm which then irritates me the rest of the night.
But that's not the best part! The IV wont draw any blood. Things go in as proved by the massive amounts of pain meds they shot up it, to my pleasure.

The unicorns were good to me after that. I was drifting in the stars among all things good.

Big Props to DAVE in lab over at the hospital in Orange Texas. He had to draw blood and made it not suck. Yay Dave! Me and the rainbows thank you.

All this floating, rainbows, unicorns, and stars comes to a SCREECHING halt.

*knock knock knock*
Mrs. M we need to have an ultrasound on you.

So i was crying in pain for the next fifteen minutes as a ultrasound wand was being jabbed into my side, putting enough pressure on it for a building to collapse, i feel. The poor tech. She asked "Is your side tender to the touch?" "Yes Extremely" "Oh bother, you are about to really not care for me"

She was correct, all that schooling of hers paid off for something!!

I get back to the room and am now in a state of delirious pain. It is a very unique feeling that I don't recommend to anyone. I am in so much pain, but cannot communicate effectively, i felt like everyone hated me, and everyone was mad at me, i got so frustrated and confused that i started crying. yes i am pathetic. I will openly admit to that.

The doctor comes in and says he believes i have.......the beginning stages of gallbladder disease. Oh my god. Like that wasn't the most obvious thing ever!

Here's the real kicker. Mrs. One Job Lori (a nail on the head from this article) was assigned to get me discharged. Including pulling my IV. She is the woman who will not be bothered with anything but her job. and her job was to discharge me right then and there. me-"can i have some pain medication for tonight because all the pain i originally came in with is back" one job Lori- "the doctor prescribed you fennigrin(sp)" and rips out the IV from my tender little arm.

FENNIGRIN is for nausea. When in the hell did I complain about nausea? NEVER. So I am in for many many more nights of terrific pain because I have nothing for it. But i do have something to keep my non-existant nausea at bay! So thank god for that.

Ugh. Then they offer a shot of pain meds after Beau goes and complains that they suck. a shot that should have gone through my IV. Thank you One Job Lori.

I got some vicadin i have from a wreck i was in a long time ago and popped one of those and went to sleep.

Heres to another painful night!